When making new year's resolutions, let the wisdom of the dying be your guide

Maybe your list of new year's resolutions should look more like your bucket list. Here's a suggestion: let the top five regrets of the dying be your guide for living the next year of your life.

Bronnie Ware worked in hospice for many years and she asked her patients, in the final weeks of their lives, if they had any regrets or would do anything differently. On her blog, she writes about the five most common themes that emerged: 1) I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 2) I wish I didn't work so hard. 3) I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 5) I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Read Ware's full blog post HERE. Or order her book HERE.

Always go to the funeral

This beautiful essay from the "This I Believe" series on National Public Radio was first aired in 2005, but it's the most re-tweeted item I ever put on Twitter, so I am posting it here on my blog, too. Here's my favorite quote from Diedre Sullivan's essay about her father's advice to "always go to the funeral":

"'Always go to the funeral' means that I have to do the right thing when I really, really don't feel like it. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy. You know, the painfully under-attended birthday party. The hospital visit during happy hour. The Shiva call for one of my ex's uncles. In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing." 

Read the full essay by clicking HERE.

Living in the present moment

Tony Winner Idina Menzel sings "No Day But Today" from the Broadway musical Rent. Based on Puccini's opera La Boheme, Rent is the story of a group of struggling young artists and musicians living on New York City's Lower East Side under the shadow of HIV/AIDS in 1989.

Christmas compassion

Joseph's House is a hospice for homeless people in Washington D.C.  NPR came to visit Joseph's House recently to see what it's like during Christmas time. Listen to the story.

Blessing for the longest night

United Methodist minister, artist and writer, Jan Richardson, was widowed this month and shared the following poem on her facebook page:

"I know lots of folks are having Longest Night or Blue Christmas services in the next few days. I am grateful for these and other spaces that acknowledge the shadows that are present for so many in this season. So thought I would share my 'Blessing for the Longest Night,' which has quite a different ring for me this year. Whatever your path is looking like in this season, may peace find you."

Blessing for the Longest Night
All throughout these months
as the shadows
have lengthened,
this blessing has been
gathering itself,
making ready,
preparing for
this night.

It has practiced
walking in the dark,
traveling with
its eyes closed,
feeling its way
by memory
by touch
by the pull of the moon
even as it wanes.

So believe me
when I tell you
this blessing will
reach you
even if you
have not light enough
to read it;
it will find you
even though you cannot
see it coming.

You will know
the moment of its
arriving
by your release
of the breath
you have held
so long;
a loosening
of the clenching
in your hands,
of the clutch
around your heart;
a thinning
of the darkness
that had drawn itself
around you.

This blessing
does not mean
to take the night away
but it knows
its hidden roads,
knows the resting spots
along the path,
knows what it means
to travel
in the company
of a friend.

So when
this blessing comes,
take its hand.
Get up.
Set out on the road
you cannot see.

This is the night
when you can trust
that any direction
you go,
you will be walking
toward the dawn.

© Jan Richardson. janrichardson.com

High school seniors take a class in hospice and learn lessons for life

From Mindful Magazine: "High school seniors at The Harley School in Rochester, New York, have the option of taking a class called “Hospice.” Most who sign up for it don’t know what they’re in for. And none of them forget the experience when it’s over." Watch the trailer (above) for David Marshall's documentary film about the hospice class.

Hospice volunteering is a privilege

Lynn Catley shares what hospice means to her.

Hospice volunteer Annette VanDeKreeke wrote in a letter to the editor: "It’s the same response every time – whenever someone finds out I’m a hospice volunteer, the first thing they say is, 'I could never do that; it would be too depressing.'

I usually smile and answer them with, 'You’d be surprised how much the opposite is true.' People who are involved in hospice know that every life comes with an expiration date – they witness it daily. It’s always sad when a soul passes from this world, and it sounds cliché but for some it is truly a blessing – an end to pain, loneliness, fear and worry.

I view hospice volunteering as an honor and a privilege. These clients and their families are going through possibly the toughest time in their lives and as a volunteer, you can help. Most often, I sit next to the bed and read to the client, or we listen to music together. Other times it’s as simple as gently holding their hand while they drift off to sleep, knowing they’re not alone." Read more...

"Boomers" take on a new cause

As the baby boomers age, they are transforming society's view of death just the way they transformed society's view of birth, sex, and so many other things.... Read more about the trend by clicking here.

November is national hospice and palliative care month

The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization is offering some resources to help raise awareness of hospice during National Hospice and Palliative Care Month. Click here to check out their resources.

NPR: Surgeon writes of death, dying in 'Final Exam'

NPR interviewed doctor Pauline Chen about her book, Final Exam: A Surgeon's Reflections on Mortality: "In a series of reflections on the world of modern medicine, a young doctor describes how physicians must deal with the inescapable reality of death, the risks and rewards of emotional involvement, patients' expectations concerning their doctors, and her personal experiences throughout her education, residency, and practice with mortality." Click here to listen to NPR's interview with Dr. Chen.

Measure your life in love

The beautiful "Seasons of Love" from Glee's tribute to Cory Monteith....

The tears of a clown

This is an extraordinary video that cannot be fully described, it must be experienced. In his presentation at The Moth's storytelling series, Anthony Griffiths describes what it was like to earn his living as a comedian as he suffered through the illness and death of his child.

Students offer service as pallbearers at indigent burials

"When the county is paying for a burial and no family is around to carry the casket, Covington Catholic High School students step in as pallbearers." Click here to read more....

The passage of time -- four sisters photographed every year for decades

As James Taylor sang, the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.

The book Nicholas Nixon: The Brown Sisters. Thirty-Three Years catalogues the photographer's extraordinary project in which he photographed 4 sisters every year for 33 years, capturing the passage of time. Click here to see all the photos. Amazing!

Even in death, Wisconsin couple indivisible

An amazing story from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel begins, "It was just after midnight, and Diane Pawlak sat in the intensive care unit at her husband's bedside — the man she married nearly 62 years ago when she was just 19. The man who worked for 41 years at Miller Brewery to support their five sons. The man she spent so many days with — at their Bay View bungalow, at their wooded Crandon getaway.

"Goodbye, Jerry," she said as she held his hand. "You can go."

Then she clutched her chest, slumped back in her chair.

"I knew right away she was gone," said her son Jerry. He went to the emergency room with her, where a doctor confirmed what he and his brother already knew. To read more, click here...

Dying father videotapes dance with daughter for her future wedding

25-year-old Rachel Wolf is losing her father to pancreatic cancer. But, she found a way to make sure that he will dance with her on her future wedding day -- she donned a wedding dress and her dad put on a tux and filmed a special dance together. Click here to read the Huffington Post article about it and view the Today show report below.

NPR: Years later, "Aaron's Last Wish" to leave a $500 tip lives on

NPR reports, "Sunday brings a sad memory for the family of Aaron Collins. It marks one year since the 30-year-old Kentucky man died.

But the heart warming story of 'Aaron's last wish' continues.

As we wrote last July, the family discovered after Aaron's death that his will asked them to 'leave an awesome tip (and I don't mean 25%. I mean $500 on a f***ing pizza) for a waiter or waitress.'"  Read the full report on the NPR website.

NDTV: South Africa prays for Nelson Mandela's recovery

NDTV reports, "Haunted by death during his long anti-apartheid struggle, Nelson Mandela looked toward his own "eternal sleep" as a man who fulfilled his duty to his people.

He was willing to die for democracy, the young black activist said during the 1963-64 trial that would send him to prison for 27 years.

'It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die,' he told judges of the white-minority apartheid regime.

Nearly 50 years later the 94-year-old is critically ill, fighting a stubborn pulmonary infection."  Click on this link to read more....

National Hospice Foundation: We Honor Veterans

“America’s Veterans have done everything asked of them in their mission to serve our country and we believe it is never too late to give them a hero’s welcome home. Now it is time that we step up, acquire the necessary skills and fulfill our mission to serve these men and women with the dignity they deserve.” J. Donald Schumacher, NHPCO president and CEO.

NPR: Death Cafes breathe life into conversations about dying

"We live knowing that everything dies. Like the sun, it's a fact of life. And like the sun, we tend not to look right at it. Unless you've experienced a recent death, it's probably not something you discuss. But a new movement is trying to change that, with a serving of tea and cake." Listen to the full story on NPR by clicking here.

Mike Robbins shares what he learned from his mother's death

Mike Robbins, author of the books Focus on the Good Stuff and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken, has written a beautiful piece on Huffington Post about what he learned from his mother's death. Here's an excerpt:

"I'm deeply engaged in my grief process right now -- doing my best to stay present in the midst of the intense and contradictory thoughts and feelings I've been experiencing. While I've been feeling sadness and pain, I also feel a lot of love and appreciation - both for my mother's life and all she taught me, and for the experience of being with her through her death.

Death teaches us so much about life and about ourselves, even though it can be very difficult to comprehend and experience -- especially when the person dying is someone very close to us. As a culture we don't really talk about it, deal with it, or face it in an authentic way. It often seems too scary, mysterious, personal, loaded, heavy, emotional, tragic, andmore.

What if we embraced death -- our own and that of those around us -- in a real, vulnerable and genuine way? What if we lived life more aware of the fact that everyone around us, including ourselves, has a limited amount of time here on earth?

Embracing death consciously alters our experience of ourselves, others and life in a fundamental and transformational way. It allows us to remember what truly matters and to put things in a healthy and empowering perspective. Doing this is much better for us than spending and wasting our time worrying, complaining, and surviving the circumstances, situations, and dramas of our lives, isn't it?"

Click here to read the whole post.

"After Life" on NPR's Radio Lab

In episode 2 of season 6, NPR's Radio Lab explores questions about the after life:

"What happens at the moment when we slip from life...to the other side? Is it a moment? If it is, when exactly does it happen? And what happens afterward? It's a show of questions that don't have easy answers. So, in a slight departure from our regular format, we bring you eleven meditations on how, when, and even if we die." Click here to listen to the story.

Consider the Conversation

Consider the Conversation is a series of films created to "inspire culture change that results in end-of-life care that is more person-centered and less system-centered." Go to www.considertheconversation.org to learn more.

"America's Uneasy Relationship With Death and Dying Goes Back Almost a Century"

Larry Samuel, Ph.D., the author of Death American Style: A Cultural History of Dying in America, has written a fascinating article for Psychology Today. Here's an excerpt:

"The breadth and depth of death as a subject is truly astounding, its cultural history vividly illustrates. Not just the end of life, death is woven into many aspects of it, especially some of its most memorable moments. Indeed, a good number of our seminal, defining experiences have to do with the loss of a loved one; these events often stick with us for the remainder of our own lives. Death is really about life, if you think about it, a constant reminder to make the most of the time we have."

Click here to read more. 

Living funerals

Living funerals are a new alternative to traditional funerals. At a living funeral, family and friends gather to honor a person with a life-limiting illness so that the honoree can hear the eulogies before their death. Read more about living funerals here.

Happier Endings: A Meditation on Life and Death

Erica Brown, author of the new book Happier Endings: A Meditation on Life and Death, answers 5 Questions for USA Today.

NPR: Protecting your digital afterlife

This NPR story begins: "Chances are good that you have hundreds, maybe thousands of e-mails stored on remote servers or in your computer. You might have a Facebook page, or a Tumblr or Twitter account. And you might have countless photos in a Flickr album. All that information amounts to a digital profile of sorts, which raises an interesting question: What happens to that online material when we die?" Intrigued? Listen to the full story. 

NPR: From grief comes a mission to make estate planning less daunting

An NPR feature on widow Chanel Reynolds begins: "Estate planning may seem like a pain, but imagine the mess you leave to those managing your affairs if you don't draw up a will or get life insurance.

'It takes really just a few hours now, rather than a pile of hours and thousands of dollars to do it later when you really need it done,' says Chanel Reynolds, who created a website geared to help people get their affairs in order." Click here to listen and read more...

What Are Death Cafes?

"In the United States, Death Cafes have spread quickly. The first one met last summer in a Panera Bread outside Columbus, Ohio, where guests were served tombstone-shaped cookies. Since then, more than 100 meetings have been held in cities and towns across the country, including Atlanta, Baltimore, Cleveland, Los Angeles and Seattle." What are Death Cafes? Learn more about this new trend on the cover of today's New York Times.

By the way, Toronto's first Death Cafe got a write-up, too.

How to write a eulogy...for yourself

Laurel Lewis is a registered nurse who specializes in end-of-life care. She believes that "contemplating one's own death is a spiritual practice. It can certainly be the focal point of any meditation or journal writing. A Buddhist would say that we should examine it with every breath. That may be much for the beginner. How about we start with twice a day, upon waking and just prior to falling asleep." Read more of this interview with Laurel Lewis here.

You can watch a video of Laurel leading a group through a eulogy exercise below:

Emergency room doctor talks about dying in the 21st century

When Someone Dies: The Practical Guide to the Logistics of Death

On Wisconsin Public Radio's Joy Cardin Show, Scott Smith talked about his book, When Someone Dies: The Practical Guide to the Logistics of Death. From the show's blurb: "All of us will die, but few of us will take the opportunity to prepare for the onslaught of arrangements and special considerations that need to be made when a loved one passes away. This hour, Joy Cardin's guest shares his practical guide for the logistics of death."  You can find the audio for the show in Joy Cardin's archives -- look for 3/27/13 8:00 AM "When Someone Dies".

For a quick and excellent overview of this subject, check the Consumer Reports article "What To Do When a Loved One Dies".

Prepare for a good end of life

Judy MacDonald Johnston gave a great TED talk on preparing for a good end of life. Here's a link to additional reading on the subject of Johnston's talk. And here's her talk:

The nature of life and time as captured in the "Up" and "Before" series

Brett McCracken writes an insightful piece for Mere Orthodoxy on the new movies in the "Before" series and the "Up" series.

If you're not familiar, the "Before" trilogy follows a love story in three films spaced nine years apart that feature the same two actors. We watch these actors age, starting when they meet and fall in love in 1994's Before Sunrise, reunite in Paris is 2003's Before Sunset and negotiate their marriage and lives as the parents of twins in 2013's Before Midnight.

The "Up" series -- which the late Roger Ebert called "the noblest project in cinema history" -- also takes us on a real journey through time. The documentary series began with 7 Up in 1964 and follows fourteen 7-year-old children from diverse socio-economic backgrounds in 1960s Britain. A new documentary has come out every seven years since -- the most recent is 56 Up. 

These movies provide an unusual and revealing look into the nature of life and time. (See also Harry Potter series.)

My Last Days: Meet Zach Sobiech

Ask a funeral director

Here is a link to a wonderful interview on Rachel Held Evans' blog, from her "Ask a...." series. It's an interview with Caleb Wilde, a sixth generation Funeral Director who has some very wise things to say about death, grief, and faith.

Writer George Saunders describes his brush with death and what it taught him....

Genius writer George Saunders, author of the new book of stories "Tenth of December", talked to the New York Times about his brush with death in an airplane near-crash and how it affected him:

"For three or four days after that it was the most beautiful world. To have gotten back in it, you know? And I thought, If you could walk around like that all the time, to really have that awareness that it's actually going to end. That's the trick."

Read the full article here.

A dying nurse offers herself as instruction in caring

This amazing story from the New York Times describes how a nurse lived every moment of her life with purpose, right up to the end, by teaching nursing students about dying. Click here to read the story.

Life lessons

Here's a wonderful column, by Regina Brett of the Plain Dealer, called Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and five to grow on.